Give me Joy

May 2, 2013

One day when Van and I were dating, as he drove away from my Mom and Dad's house, my dad noticed the tire cover on the back of his pathfinder. It said, "Life is Good." I'd never really thought much about it, as the "Life is Good" logo had become fairly popular among my generation, and you could see it on mugs, t-shirts, or hats regularly. But my Dad noticed it and said something to the effect of, "That's pretty much his attitude all the time, isn't it?" And for the first time maybe ever, I paused to realize that Van had the gift of happiness. I think it was a turning point in our relationship. Where I had before seen his happiness as almost a silliness, in the seconds that followed, I recognized that his happiness was really a joy that was contagious and that I was a better person because of it.

In several of my more recent posts about the fertility road that I have been on, I have mentioned how that I am grateful for the experience because I can clearly see how I have changed for the better. I've used words like, "storms", "trials" and "journey" to describe my experience... but one thing I think I have failed to mention is the possibility to have joy despite the uncertainty. Maybe I've failed to realize it as "joy" because I have only recently realized that possibility myself.

Recently while talking with my Dad about my frustrations (not so much about fertility this time, but rather my job), he began to describe the people in Haiti that he worked with for several years on a monthly basis. He had watched them living in poverty and heartache yet full of pure joy. He encouraged me to realize that joy was something that could surpass a surrounding or an experience. It was from within... and could be attained despite circumstances. Joy isn't necessarily happiness... actually I think happiness is a by product that comes after joy. Joy is the peaceful release of contentment.

This morning, while reading the Bible before work, I came across a note by Eugene Peterson (in the translation "The Message - Conversations with it's translator" which includes some of Peterson's notes in the side margin) that said the following:

"Go back as far as you can in prerecorded history, back to the dawn of the universe and there you'll find joy. The creation is characterized by celebration (Job 38:7, Proverbs 8:22-31). Turning to the time of the New Testament, Christ was characterized by joy (John 8:29, 15:11). In the parable of the prodigal son, heaven in the present was characterized by joy, feasting, music, and dancing (Luke 15:11-32). Finally, looking forward to the future, John shows us a picture of heaven (Revelation 10:6-9). It will be a feast where the people shout, "Let us celebrate, let us rejoice" (verse 7). 

The story of faith begins and ends in joy. And in between, there is joy. Joy permeated Pauls life, especially in the place you would have least expected it - in prison (see the book of Phillippians). For more than twenty centuries, Christians have been exhibiting joy. There have been sad, even morose, Christians to be sure. But the ones who have inspired us have been marked by joy. In fact, when the Roman Catholic Church looked for reasons to canonize a Christian as a "saint", one of the standard qualifications was the evidence of "hilaritas", a Latin word that means "cheerfulness, good-humor, joyousness, merriment, hilarity." In other words, they had to be joyful people capable of laughing, praising, and celebrating, which is what rankled the Pharises about Jesus (Matthew 11:17-19; also compare Luke 15:1-2 with verse 32). Jesus was certainly a man of sorrows, able to enter into the grief at a funeral, but he was also a man of joy, able to enter into the merriment of a wedding (compare John 11:1-35 with 2:1-11).

Like Paul. Like Jesus. And like the people in 1 Chronicles 29 (where this note is found...). Anyone who gets in touch with God, gets in touch with joy. All true joy is derivative. It doesn't orginate from the world. It doesn't originate from us. It originates from him. and when we get close to him, it rubs off. 

Prayer:

Dear Lord of all that can rightly be called joy

Draw me so close to the Source of that joy

that it would rub off on me.

Help me to live an exuberant life,

full of laughter and song,

feasting and dancing,

the fellowship of good friends,

and the joyful anticipation of meeting new ones.

Help me to celebrate every gift that comes from your hand,

whether the holy sacrament of Scripture or the holy sacrament of sex.

Give me a grateful heart, O Lord,

wonderfully, cheerfully, hilariously grateful.

And though I may never become a saint,

may I ever celebrate like one.

I have so much to celebrate, Lord.

As I close my eyes to reflect on some of those things, 

bring a smile to my face.

No correct that. Bring laughter..."

I really loved these thoughts today... I love that God has been creating in me to a more joyful heart for years even if I didn't see the exact work going on. I love that he knew what kind of husband I would need... to help me reach this spot in my life. And I am grateful to be able to have found a joy that gives me the ability to say, as the writer of Habakkuk says in Habakkuk 3:17-19: 

Though the fig tree does not bud

    and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

    and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

    and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

We have a chance...

I am sad today because I have been thinking, and I have come to the conclusion that Christians have spent so much time preaching hell, that we've failed to teach on redemption.

Today I read an article online about how that the Pentagon is meeting with an "anti-Christian extremist" in attempts to create it's policy on "religious tolerance". I realize that much of what is written on the internet is inaccurate and or taken out of context, but if it is correct (which I fear it must have some truth to it), then it is further proof of the hypocritical mantra that so many on the left preach: freedom and love for all followed by belittling and hating of a group (in this case, Christians) for their religious beliefs. I am tired of hearing the word "tolerance" when the definition has actually come to have a hidden clause attached to it:  "tolerance, as long as you believe what I believe".

Back in February Van and I visited Oregon for the first time together. It was Van's first time to really get to spend any quality time in Oregon, and my first time back since I moved away when I was sixteen. We had a great time, but at brunch one morning, he asked me about my experience living there... he said that he knew others would find it surprising, but he kind of felt that the people there were very "closed-minded". (Despite the fact that they pride themselves in being very open minded.) He made the case that he as a middle class, white, American, Christian male from the South, lacking any tattoos, piercings, and having never dyed his hair seemed not only out of place but disdained. Later that afternoon we met up with one of his close childhood friends, Ben, who moved to Portland after college, years ago. His wife Jenn, who also met up with us was raised in Oregon. Her father is transgender, and she is in no way religious. But she and I hit it off immediately... and so in keeping with my tendency to be completely honest and transparent, I asked her if this perception of Van's was true... would Van and I find ourselves outcasts in this city? Her answer: undeniably YES. She explained that she saw the hypocrisy in this, and that it had in more recent years bothered her as well. She too, from a completely opposite political and social background had come to realize that the word "tolerance" really meant tolerance for a select group.

I have a lot of really diverse friends. I love socializing more than just about anyone I know, and I think I can literally have a good time with anyone whether it's my two year old niece or our 80 year neighbors in Maine...So, naturally over the years I have accumulated a large group of friends... and even larger group of Facebook friends. My "friend" group includes people from all over the US: Oregon, Maine, Tennessee, Texas, and many states in between, as well as many European friends. I generally avoid any polarizing topics on my Facebook, simply because I prefer to keep my Facebook page down to earth and easy going. And what I hate more than anything are long wall posts where various friends of friends get into fights with each other. It's just not my style. So I kind of knew I was opening a can of worms this morning when I posted the article I had read... but then again, I am concerned about it... and I do think it's something worth thinking about.

Despite thinking it would be a total can of worms, I was really pleased with how my friends responded to each other. As expected, not all of the commenters were in agreement with the others...but for the most part they all maintained a respectful attitude towards the disagreeing party. What was interesting was this: instead of seeing the article as concerning, my more liberal friends saw it as an opportunity to bring up social rights issues, making points that I didn't all together disagree with... but then again, that wasn't the point of the article. The article didn't even mention these social issues. It simply mentioned Christians and their potential persecution for their beliefs. (This lack of sympathy for Christians is a whole other blog in itself... but for today I want to focus on what is wrong with we Christians...)

My question to myself was, "Why are we as Christians labeled by these social issues? (i.e. is this what we are really about?)" Of course, I don't think so... but obviously a lot of people do. I think it is sad that so many Americans (many of which are Christians) have chosen to make certain social issues (i.e. gay rights) a primary issue of debate, despite living just as much of a "sinful" life (according to Christianity), having pre-marital sex, adulterous affairs, getting drunk, lying, gossiping, back biting...
Jesus, Himself, said to take the plank out of your own eye before you try to get the speck out of your brother's eye. We are all too guilty of ignoring our own sins, but quick to point out the sins of others.

Regarding homosexuality: I think that God created woman for man. You may call me nieve, but because I believed this, I waited until I married Van to have sex. I felt that pre-marital sex would be me behaving in a way that was not pleasing to God. My goal has always been to live my life, as imperfect as I am, in at least an attempt at striving towards perfection. As a Christian, I believe that life is not necessarily full of easy roads and blessings. I don't believe that everything we want or desire is actually what we need or should have (or God's will). For example, just because I waited to have sex didn't mean that I didn't want to have sex sooner. Or with other guys. It was just that I felt that I was called to live a life as pure as possible, and I tried to do that to the best of my ability, even if it meant ignoring my own desires. As a matter of fact, Jesus didn't say that a life following Him would involve having all of our desires fulfilled. He actually instructed us to love others... and to take up our cross and follow Him. Love others. Take up our cross. Love others. Take up our cross. I don't necessarily think it's our place to tell others what their cross is... I think we are to love them. And let Jesus do the judging. But with that being said, we who are Christians must be honest with ourselves and our Christian brothers and sisters... and we must recognize the crosses that we are to bare.  I absolutely believe that there are people who have desires for gay relationships. That they don't choose these desires... but that they crave them, just as heterosexuals have cravings. But I believe that just having a desire does not make it "correct" or "ok" and that perhaps this is their cross in their life that they are to bare.

But what was most disconcerting to me was that one of my friends referred to hell as this place that we are threatening or scaring people with... which is how I started this blog out... (thank goodness... there will be an end to this blog? ha)

And that's when I decided that we have spent too much time talking about hell and not enough time talking about the freedom of redemption.

The basic concepts of Christianity are this: God created us with free will because free will is where love exists. If you are in a relationship against your will, how can you call it a relationship? It's more like a slave or a robot... someone doing something because they're forced to isn't special. Love is love because you choose it and because it is given freely and without force. So wanting a true "relationship" with us, God gave us free will. And we as a human race chose to use free will to pursue our own desires... which resulted in sin. Sin entered into the human DNA, and we became a despairing race. A dying world without any hope. No hope... not because God is mean, but because sin is a terminal disease that requires death. We must die. We were condemned. Lost. Hopeless. Sick. There is no "good" that is "good enough" to alleviate the disease... we have the genetics of self desire, greed, hate all within us... and we cannot redeem or "heal" ourselves. We cannot overcome. Since sin demands death, death was required... but we Christians believe that Jesus gave His life to give us the chance to be redeemed. I was guilty and He took my place. It's not meanness or lack of love that He warned us of hell... it's where we ALL were going... and He offered us a new chance. A freedom, a way out. Hell was what we had... He brought us a new story of redemption.

For me it all kind of goes back to the "epiphany" I had last September... when I came to the realization that the only "unfair" thing in this world was that Jesus Christ, innocent and perfect, was unfairly accused and mistreated for my sake. And that if I never received another blessing... if I never had another desire fulfilled... the grace that He offers to me in salvation alone is still far more than I could ever deserve.

And what I want people to see in my life... the only thing I can offer back to Him... is the exuberant, exciting, wonderful story of redemption. I believe hell is real... but I also believe that the big story isn't hell... it's that WE HAVE A CHANCE... we have a Savior... that redemption is real. I hope that I never ruin my chance to tell someone about the love of God because I made it my first priority to disagree with them... rather than loving them first... and then talking second.