I've been slowly working my way through the New Testament (most recently Acts) for sometime now. I got stuck on one scripture in Acts for at least a week... re-reading it every morning, trying to make it sink in. And even though I finally moved on with my readings, I've continued thinking about this passage for at least a month now... and so I thought I'd share it with you.
In Acts 21, Paul is in Caesarea. He is informed that if he returns to Jerusalem that he will be bound, beaten, and imprisoned. His Christian brothers and sisters beg him not to return. They try to convince him to look out for himself (which seems natural, totally ok and even smart). But Paul's response is, "Why all of the hysteria?... You're looking at this backward. The issue in Jerusalem is not what they do to me, whether arrest or murder, but what the Master Jesus does through my obedience." (Acts 21:12-13, the message)
Paul wasn't receiving necessarily bad advice. It sure seems like it was good advice (logically). And it was not coming from bad people, but rather godly people, who believed they were advising him wisely. But Paul knew what he must do. He knew that his obedience was what Christ was asking of him... not a logical, intelligent self-saving decision.
He saw it in reverse: "What does Christ ask of me?" Obedience. "But this may result in the loss of your life." Still obedience.
The question I kept asking myself that resulted in a week of re-reading the passage... and another month thinking about it is, "Would I return to Jerusalem?"
Would I return, knowing that pain awaited me?
I found myself wondering what in my life has been a return to Jerusalem? Have my past sufferings (minimal as they have been) challenge my faith and made me question God? Or do I see it correctly? Do I see it in reverse, like Paul? How out of this difficult situation am I asked to be obedient? Because it's so easy to forget that it's not about me at all. It's about how I can serve Him. (How easily our human, selfish, sinful selves lose sight of this concept!)
My prayer is that if I would not "return to (my) Jerusalem" before reading and meditating on this passage, that I would now after the fact. I pray that my eyes have been opened. That my heart is made strong. And that no matter what is asked of me, that I can choose obedience. Much easier said than done. But this is my prayer.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
the birthday surprise
I haven't written in over a month. It's been crazy like that. May was my birthday MONTH. And on May 17, just four days before my 30th birthday, Van pulled off the biggest surprise of my life. Literally. I woke up on a Friday morning to his alarm clock going off. I was not exactly sure what time it was (it was something like 7 a.m.) but after doing my 40 hours in 4 days, I knew that it was way too early for me to be up on this off day. And wondered, "What is he doing setting his alarm anyways? He never does that." I chalked it up to the fact that he had just gotten back the day before from a week long trip for work to Dallas, and so that he must have needed his alarm THERE because I wasn't there to make sure he woke up on time... with that as a sufficient enough explanation, I turned it off, went to the bathroom, and hopped back into bed. Thirty or forty minutes later, Van woke me up in a panic wanting to know 1. What time it was. 2. Where his phone was. and 3. Why his alarm had not gone off. I explained that I had no idea what time it was. That his phone was on the bathroom sink, where I had left it on my way to the bathroom after turning it off. After jumping up to check the time (I had gone "back" to bed at this point), he informed me that I MUST get up and get packed. I told him I would not. He then said that I MUST because I had a plane to catch in three hours... that we had to be AT the airport in two hours. In my foggy, sleepy state this totally confused me. "But you TOLD me that I could go to book club tonight?!" I couldn't wrap my sleepy mind around the fact that he might possibly be telling the truth. (Even after hearing this, I got back under the covers and said I wasn't getting up. ha) He finally convinced me to get up and to pack... reading me off a list of items to pack. All that I concluded from the list was that I was most likely going to a beach/warm weather that would possibly have bike riding.
Initially I was mad. I was in the shower in a total huff... feeling extremely overwhelmed at what I was expected to do in such a short period of time. Then I was nervous and a little bit anxious. When we got to the airport, the Southwest attendants dealt only with him (a total fluke), leaving me just as confused as ever. They didn't even ask to see my i.d.! We walked towards security with me still clueless as to where "we" were going. Van told me that he and I were going to Los Angelas. That he had rented us a beach house, and that he was coming, but something had come up with work and that he would not be there until later that night. He apologized profusely that he wasn't able to change my flight to his, but to just trust him. He told me that like the way he had arranged for the attendants to not talk to me at the baggage check (the fluke) that he had also arranged for someone to meet me (the way they do with children who fly solo) at the gate to take me to the beach house.
To be quite honest, at this point I wasn't all that excited... I was thinking of all the things I NEEDED to do back home... and wondering WHAT ON EARTH Van and I were going to do at a beach house for a week... neither of us are "beach" people. Our usual vacations are far less relaxing (ha) than beaching... we need activity. LA in my mind was like the most un-Jess&Van place I had ever thought of... frou frou, expensive, and beachy. But I did my very best to not let him read these thoughts that were going through my head on my face. He was so excited...
I anxiously boarded my direct flight to LA, and for three hours (the longest flight of my life!) I could not sleep, could not read, could not listen to music... I was so NERVOUS! I had never been so "out of control!" and I wasn't sure I liked it. I thought of every possibility. I wondered if he was planning a party/reunion with friends in LA. I wondered if what he had told me was true. That we were indeed going to be staying at a beach house by ourselves all week. I wondered if we were actually going on a cruise or somewhere beyond LA and that LA was just the connecting stop. By the time the airplane landed, my stomach was in knots and I had a case of the butterflies that I hadn't had since the day of my wedding!
When I got off the plane, my friends said I was nosily craning my neck around to find whoever it was to meet me. I was looking for a "Jessica" sign, thinking maybe I was meeting someone from the "beach house"... but then I saw it: a "happy birthday" sign and my three closest friends from Westmoreland High School (my jr/sr HS)! Shocked does not adequately express my thoughts... after the hugs and hellos, I asked, "so, Van's not meeting me at five tonight??" I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on! Nope... it was a girl's weekend!
Once again, Van proved that he knew me better than I knew myself. LA (actually Santa Monica) was a PERFECT place for the four or us to hang... I had been completely wrong. It wasn't frou frou at all! We were in this great house, less than a mile from the beach. We had bikes, and we biked ALL OVER Santa Monica... down by the beach, to the shops, out to dinner even.. (which if you know me, you know I am OBSESSED with biking). It was the perfect combo of plenty of "outdoorsy/adventure" type activities combined with enough "city" entertainments such as good restaurants, and lots of good shopping (which we did plenty of!!)!
It was SUCH a great surprise... and a great way to end my 2nd decade of life. I turned 30 on May 21st, and that same day I flew home. After being on such a high, I felt kind of low, when the girls left me to fly to Nashville two hours before my flight to San Antonio. It continued when I arrived, and Van was late picking me up... and then told me he had a lot to do with work and so he dropped me off at the house (by myself)... where I just sat around doing nothing. So I cried. Four times, actually. The worst part of a high is the low that can come after... I decided that 30 was terrible... everything leading to 30 was great, but this day, the actual birthday, was terrible. I didn't like the sound of 30. I didn't want to be 30.
On the birthday (Tuesday), during one of my cries about how I hated how "thirty" sounded, Van told me that he was taking me to my parents' in Houston the next day... because he wasn't putting up with this for another day. So the following morning, we headed to Houston so that he could work there for a few days (part of his territory) and I could avoid being sad and lonely. We stayed from Wednesday to Friday... and on Friday, as we were heading out, I told him maybe we should just stay another day. But we were already packed up, so he didn't have to push hard to get back to San Antonio...
Mom and Dad mentioned on Friday before we left that they might come over on Saturday... that they had been thinking about visiting a pastor in Corpus Christi or one in New Braunfuls... which isn't too far from us. That's so typical of them - last minute planning, that I thought nothing of it. I mentioned several times that I had this groupon for an Italian restaurant that was going to expire, so we should use it... but they would never agree to anything... (again typical that they won't set anything in stone)... so I thought nothing of it. Mom started talking on Saturday when they arrived about how she wanted Mexican food (a common craving of hers, as it's her favorite), so after several unsuccessful attempts at enticing her with a "free" Italian meal (which I thought would trump the Mexican food craving), I kind of dropped the Italian restaurant groupon suggestion. Van told me that he had gone ahead and made reservations at Aldaco's (my favorite Mexican restaurant here) for 7 p.m. I thought that was very proactive for him, but blew it off again... I mentioned the Italian groupon once more and Mom said she really wanted Mexican... so I told her that Van had made reservations at one place, but that maybe we should go to Chueys instead... she said, "We'll see. We don't have to decide right now, do we?" They played their roles well - because this sounds like something she would say anyways, although maybe a little more aggressive than normal.
When we arrived at Aldaco's (almost late because I had gone to the grocery store around five, left my phone at home, stayed way too long, and then arrived home with loads of groceries, suggesting that I just cook instead of going out... once again unknowingly trying to sabotage their dinner plan attempts), the hostess told Van who had said, "Reservations for Oldham party of six", "They're already on the patio." I thought she meant that part of the "party of six" that he had requested was on the patio... and as this is a happening, busy place, often with a long wait, I said, "WHO is on the patio?" Followed by the thoughts, "SOME GROUP has taken our reservations!!??" (Van says I'm such a cynic, that I would assume the worst instead of guessing what it actually was.)
When I walked out on the patio, I was looking for an empty table for six... and there was none. I saw this big group, and just about the time that I was going to tell Van that this big group had taken our reservations/table, I saw my friend Jenna's husband, Brett. And the big group that I thought had stollen our reservation yelled, "SURPRISE!" I was COMPLETELY floored. I think I was even more surprised than the whole LA thing... because this time I had completely forgotten about the birthday... and definitely assumed that nothing else was planned, after having had such an elaborate birthday celebration.
It was AWESOME! I enjoyed it so much.. having all of my amazing and fun San Antonio friends together, and having them meet my parents and brothers. I went home on a TOTAL high, ending my birthday celebrations feeling so loved and blessed.
Van REALLY outdid himself! I am such a lucky girl.
And after being 30 for a month, I've decided it's tolerable. haha I did run a mile the other day a minute and a half faster than normal. I told Van that some of my friends say that they feel like their bodies are stronger and healthier at thirty than at twenty, and that, "THIS MUST BE TRUE because I am usually such a bad runner!" So I'm finding the positives. How can a year that started so well be anything but great?
Initially I was mad. I was in the shower in a total huff... feeling extremely overwhelmed at what I was expected to do in such a short period of time. Then I was nervous and a little bit anxious. When we got to the airport, the Southwest attendants dealt only with him (a total fluke), leaving me just as confused as ever. They didn't even ask to see my i.d.! We walked towards security with me still clueless as to where "we" were going. Van told me that he and I were going to Los Angelas. That he had rented us a beach house, and that he was coming, but something had come up with work and that he would not be there until later that night. He apologized profusely that he wasn't able to change my flight to his, but to just trust him. He told me that like the way he had arranged for the attendants to not talk to me at the baggage check (the fluke) that he had also arranged for someone to meet me (the way they do with children who fly solo) at the gate to take me to the beach house.
To be quite honest, at this point I wasn't all that excited... I was thinking of all the things I NEEDED to do back home... and wondering WHAT ON EARTH Van and I were going to do at a beach house for a week... neither of us are "beach" people. Our usual vacations are far less relaxing (ha) than beaching... we need activity. LA in my mind was like the most un-Jess&Van place I had ever thought of... frou frou, expensive, and beachy. But I did my very best to not let him read these thoughts that were going through my head on my face. He was so excited...
I anxiously boarded my direct flight to LA, and for three hours (the longest flight of my life!) I could not sleep, could not read, could not listen to music... I was so NERVOUS! I had never been so "out of control!" and I wasn't sure I liked it. I thought of every possibility. I wondered if he was planning a party/reunion with friends in LA. I wondered if what he had told me was true. That we were indeed going to be staying at a beach house by ourselves all week. I wondered if we were actually going on a cruise or somewhere beyond LA and that LA was just the connecting stop. By the time the airplane landed, my stomach was in knots and I had a case of the butterflies that I hadn't had since the day of my wedding!
When I got off the plane, my friends said I was nosily craning my neck around to find whoever it was to meet me. I was looking for a "Jessica" sign, thinking maybe I was meeting someone from the "beach house"... but then I saw it: a "happy birthday" sign and my three closest friends from Westmoreland High School (my jr/sr HS)! Shocked does not adequately express my thoughts... after the hugs and hellos, I asked, "so, Van's not meeting me at five tonight??" I still wasn't entirely sure what was going on! Nope... it was a girl's weekend!
Once again, Van proved that he knew me better than I knew myself. LA (actually Santa Monica) was a PERFECT place for the four or us to hang... I had been completely wrong. It wasn't frou frou at all! We were in this great house, less than a mile from the beach. We had bikes, and we biked ALL OVER Santa Monica... down by the beach, to the shops, out to dinner even.. (which if you know me, you know I am OBSESSED with biking). It was the perfect combo of plenty of "outdoorsy/adventure" type activities combined with enough "city" entertainments such as good restaurants, and lots of good shopping (which we did plenty of!!)!
It was SUCH a great surprise... and a great way to end my 2nd decade of life. I turned 30 on May 21st, and that same day I flew home. After being on such a high, I felt kind of low, when the girls left me to fly to Nashville two hours before my flight to San Antonio. It continued when I arrived, and Van was late picking me up... and then told me he had a lot to do with work and so he dropped me off at the house (by myself)... where I just sat around doing nothing. So I cried. Four times, actually. The worst part of a high is the low that can come after... I decided that 30 was terrible... everything leading to 30 was great, but this day, the actual birthday, was terrible. I didn't like the sound of 30. I didn't want to be 30.
On the birthday (Tuesday), during one of my cries about how I hated how "thirty" sounded, Van told me that he was taking me to my parents' in Houston the next day... because he wasn't putting up with this for another day. So the following morning, we headed to Houston so that he could work there for a few days (part of his territory) and I could avoid being sad and lonely. We stayed from Wednesday to Friday... and on Friday, as we were heading out, I told him maybe we should just stay another day. But we were already packed up, so he didn't have to push hard to get back to San Antonio...
Mom and Dad mentioned on Friday before we left that they might come over on Saturday... that they had been thinking about visiting a pastor in Corpus Christi or one in New Braunfuls... which isn't too far from us. That's so typical of them - last minute planning, that I thought nothing of it. I mentioned several times that I had this groupon for an Italian restaurant that was going to expire, so we should use it... but they would never agree to anything... (again typical that they won't set anything in stone)... so I thought nothing of it. Mom started talking on Saturday when they arrived about how she wanted Mexican food (a common craving of hers, as it's her favorite), so after several unsuccessful attempts at enticing her with a "free" Italian meal (which I thought would trump the Mexican food craving), I kind of dropped the Italian restaurant groupon suggestion. Van told me that he had gone ahead and made reservations at Aldaco's (my favorite Mexican restaurant here) for 7 p.m. I thought that was very proactive for him, but blew it off again... I mentioned the Italian groupon once more and Mom said she really wanted Mexican... so I told her that Van had made reservations at one place, but that maybe we should go to Chueys instead... she said, "We'll see. We don't have to decide right now, do we?" They played their roles well - because this sounds like something she would say anyways, although maybe a little more aggressive than normal.
When we arrived at Aldaco's (almost late because I had gone to the grocery store around five, left my phone at home, stayed way too long, and then arrived home with loads of groceries, suggesting that I just cook instead of going out... once again unknowingly trying to sabotage their dinner plan attempts), the hostess told Van who had said, "Reservations for Oldham party of six", "They're already on the patio." I thought she meant that part of the "party of six" that he had requested was on the patio... and as this is a happening, busy place, often with a long wait, I said, "WHO is on the patio?" Followed by the thoughts, "SOME GROUP has taken our reservations!!??" (Van says I'm such a cynic, that I would assume the worst instead of guessing what it actually was.)
When I walked out on the patio, I was looking for an empty table for six... and there was none. I saw this big group, and just about the time that I was going to tell Van that this big group had taken our reservations/table, I saw my friend Jenna's husband, Brett. And the big group that I thought had stollen our reservation yelled, "SURPRISE!" I was COMPLETELY floored. I think I was even more surprised than the whole LA thing... because this time I had completely forgotten about the birthday... and definitely assumed that nothing else was planned, after having had such an elaborate birthday celebration.
It was AWESOME! I enjoyed it so much.. having all of my amazing and fun San Antonio friends together, and having them meet my parents and brothers. I went home on a TOTAL high, ending my birthday celebrations feeling so loved and blessed.
Van REALLY outdid himself! I am such a lucky girl.
And after being 30 for a month, I've decided it's tolerable. haha I did run a mile the other day a minute and a half faster than normal. I told Van that some of my friends say that they feel like their bodies are stronger and healthier at thirty than at twenty, and that, "THIS MUST BE TRUE because I am usually such a bad runner!" So I'm finding the positives. How can a year that started so well be anything but great?
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