It is well with my soul

One of my favorite hymns for many years now has been "It is well with my soul", a hymn written by Horatio Spafford.  I remember hearing my parents tell the story of the hymns origin to my sister and I when we were just little girls. Horatio G. Spafford had been planning a trip with his family to London. He had sent his wife and daughters ahead on a ship, and he was to join them shortly. But the ship sank and he received a telegram from his wife several days after it had set sail that she alone had been saved. Their four daughters had drowned. Spafford left on the next ship to England to be with his wife as they grieved the loss of their children. The captain of the ship notified him as they reached the spot of the wreck, and it was while mourning the loss of his children, just having stared into the water where they had drowned, that he returned to his cabin and penned the lyrics of this hymn.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:

It is well, (it is well),

With my soul, (with my soul)

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,

The sky, not the grave, is our goal;

Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!

Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

We sang it today at church, and as always it resonated with me -- the lyrics declare the kind of strength and faith I hope to demonstrate when faced with my own disheartened experiences and let downs, but when walking through the actual storm, I find it much more challenging to live with such faith and strength. 

Because I was curious to know more about Horatio Spafford's life, I googled him and learned that his testimony of faith is even more powerful than I first thought. 

Apparently the reason that he and his family were headed to London for a holiday in 1873 was because only two years before, his only 4 year old son had died of scarlet fever. The year that followed the death of his son, had brought financial destruction within his real estate investments due to a fire. He and his wife were looking to give their family a rest. At the last minute, a business deal required Horatio to stay in Chicago a little longer, so not wanting to spoil the holiday, he sent his wife and daughters on, planning to join them shortly. On November 2, 1873, the "Ville de Havre", the ship which is family traveled on, collided with the "Lochearm", and English vessel. It sank in only 12 minutes, claiming the lives of 226 people. Mrs. Spafford was knocked unconscious and was saved by a plank that floated beneath her unconscious body, propping her up. 

I cannot imagine what kind of man Horatio Spafford must have been to have continued to trust in God to sustain him despite loss after loss after loss. Three times he had lost big, and yet he stood firm.  

Sometimes I feel conflicted. My heart's desire is to be the same kind of person. An unwavering person. A Corrie Ten Boom or Horatio Spafford kind of person... and then at the same time, so much of the time I struggle with doubt, despair, fear, frustrations... my faith wavers. I question God. I question the fairness and justness of God. I question His love and whether or not he actually cares about the details in my life (or any human's life). 

But then I guess that is what faith really is, right?  It's the not seeing, the not knowing, the being totally helpless and still believing that there is a bigger picture.  It's the feeling of uncertainty but choosing to believe that there is a plan.  It's the not understanding why but choosing to love anyways.